anyway, so i'm walking with a friend during that weekend away and she's telling me something about her mommy friend back home. i don't remember what she was saying but she dropped the phrase "INTENTIONAL PARENTING." after that i kind of stopped paying attention to what she was talking about (sorry, girl!) because i was so struck by this term.
intentional parenting? isn't that just parenting in general? what the heck does that mean? am i an intentional parent?!
so this has had me thinking for WEEKS now and i've been trying it out: trying to be more purposeful/intentional as a parent. no, i don't think i'm a bad mom. i think i do a good job creating a childhood and a home for the Remzer. but not all of my actions were intentional/purposeful when it came to her interactions/experiences. so i've been trying it for a few weeks and i have to say......
i'm quite impressed.
key takeaways:
1. allow the kid to socialize. i know a few parents who are much more comfortable having it just be them and their kids all day long, for a variety of reasons (the additional effort it requires, scheduling, germs, dislike for being around other annoying children, etc.). BUT when we are out and about i try to give her chances to interact with other kids because kids can teach each other lessons.
* and with that, don't hover. it's hard sometimes. step in when necessary, but for the most part just let the kids be kids.
2. don't overreact. i have to be very intentional about this one, especially when it comes to every freaking thing outside of our home. NYC is a cess pool (haha, kidding, but not really.) often when i overreact (example, "OMG... DON'T TOUCH THAT POOP!!") it completely freaks her out and sends both of us into meltdown mode. so i've tried saying, "oh no, look Remzer, there is poop. please don't touch it, it's very yucky."
that has worked MUCH better.
3. don't do the work for them if they can do it (or learn to) for themselves. this past month she's gotten very good at climbing on things. so when she attempted the stroller, i thought "oh, grrrrreattttt.... it's only a matter of seconds before she face plants it onto the wood and we have a broken nose."
to my great surprise (and admiration), she did it, and safely! now she is so proud of herself when i say, "go get in the stroller!" and she goes by herself and climbs right in.
and YES that is a stroller sleeping bag. you all need one. not for the kids, for yourself. it's like sleeping in the bosom of a newborn puppy.
"captain, we've got a climber."
4. go out of your way to give them experiences. this one is a hard one for me! because it takes like 50 times more effort.
i hate halloween. ask my mom, even as a child i always cried when i had to dress up and go out. i never really liked it. but after pondering halloween i thought, "i want her to see what halloween is about and this is her first one that might be memorable." so we got out the beret (she was a French girl, of course;) and took her out (although we did have to hunt down a candy bag on the way... of course we got the last one in the city [a frozen "sisters forever" bag. bleh. she hasn't even seen frozen]).
and furthermore (wow, that sounded so professional, note: use that word more often.), i let her eat some candy. still nothing artificially colored, but two little reeces cups were all she needed to have her "first halloween fill".
"voulez-vous cette gourde??"
5. let them REALLY explore and give them a purpose. we've continued to find refuge in central park every day, but lately, as soon as we get there, i get her out of the stroller and we pick something to "find": a squirrel (oh, look, he's eating nuts!), a stick (oh, that's so brown..), a rock (wow, that's really hard! throw it in the water!), spray paint on the sidewalk (that's blue!), etc.
she LOVES the park even more now because i think she likes being busy! we spend so much time running from one stick to another and she'll show me with such a look of accomplishment, i just can't resist. yes, darling, that is the most wonderful stick i've EVER seen....
** with that, let them wander, to some extent. usually, i'd be right there by her side, but lately i'll let her go somewhere, say "stay where i can see you", and she will!! she'll turn around and come running back, check in, then head back out.
although today it was especially hard to let her wander because moments before this photo was taken, the central park falcon, no joke, swooped down, caught a pigeon and flew off cheering with delight. it was totally freaky!! so as she toddled away, i had one eye on her and one eye searching the skies for the falcon, in fear she was his next victim.
6. within reason, do what they ask you to do. she asked me to sit right there on the ledge opposite her and when i did she was more than happy to let me take this picture! if it's a reasonable request, why not give them that satisfaction!?
7. let them be involved. she is constantly hanging off my leg when i'm in the kitchen cooking. most of the time whining. so i started putting her on my hip, or on the counter and having her help me. we'll smell the spice, taste a little, then throw it in the bowl. i can tell she feels more involved, and i like watching her learn.
8. take time to learn at home. a good friend posted a video a couple months back of her toddler counting, with the caption, "i guess all those times i've counted out loud he was listening and learning!" so of course, now i've started doing that! we count almost everything, i tell her the colors of everything, point out that someone is a boy or girl, big dog or little dog, etc.
yeah, it takes a more conscious effort, but she now holds up one finger when i ask how old she is. so we're getting somewhere!!
i don't write all this because my child is unusually intelligent or i'm a super genius mom. i just wrote it because i had a breakthrough- a really good one! and i wish i had had it sooner! i wish i had known intentional parenting sooner!!
for those of you that think "blah, this is old news..." shame on you for not sharing your knowledge with me.
being a mom is so fun. being a parent is so fun! it's the most special opportunity i've ever been given and i hope we can keep the momentum going!!
PARENT POWER!!!
