reality check.

in all honesty, i did feel like at some point in time the other shoe was going to drop. life is all about learning and when it's going too good for too long, you're not learning enough, because it gets too easy.

so in the spirit of being "real", i guess that's what we're calling it in 2018 because so many people filter their real lives, i want to share our update, in it's truest form.

well, you may or may not know we moved to sf in june for aj's job. after 5 years in nyc it just felt right and we knew it was the right choice because everything worked out SO SEAMLESSLY. like remzer got into the school we wanted, we found a charming apartment just around the corner, our church is 4 blocks away, there are 2 playgrounds within blocks, we can see the ocean, we found friends, aj's work schedule was perfect, my hair was looking great, blah, blah, blah. you get it. so it seemed like we were doing the right thing at the right time.

fast forward 2 months and aj's fund is shutting down. it happened kind of suddenly and we weren't prepared for it. i mean, we moved here to grow it, not the opposite. but after the dust settled, everything is fine. running a hedge fund is no joke stressful, and it will be good to be rid of those daily (yes, daily) stresses. but then it just leaves the huge question of : well now what?

please don't read this and think "wow, she's really begging for a pity party." NOT AT ALL. i'm not sad about any of this, not even mad, or bugged, or annoyed. some have suggested i should be nervous, but i'm not even that. i'm simply writing this all down so in the future we can look back at this extreme period of growth we're in and think "well, that was weird,  and i'm glad we got through that."

 

well the answer to the "now what?" question has come in many forms. 

remie and sam were almost immaculate conceptions. lol. we thought about getting prego and BAM! felt the tingling in the "ole U." 9 months later we were taking home little alien cherubs from the hospital. 

this time, it's not happening like that. my heart goes out to couples (and i personally know a few) who have waited YEARS to have kids. some eventually get pregnant, some never do. i now understand the heartache and confusion that comes every month when you realize "well i guess not this month." that happens month after month after month and that sucks. big time. 

i'm confident that we'll be pregnant again eventually, but "now what?" has meant we're really doubling down on parenting the two kids we have and praying for another when the time is right. thank heavens for prayer. idk how other people do it, talking to yourself just wouldn't cut it for me ;)

now what? well, we've also been busy reading self-help books, haha, and exploring the city like crazy. aj's easy schedule is even more easy now, so we've been hitting up museums, playgrounds, hikes, and ice cream spots. so we're busy... busy making fun. this crazy husband of mine is so full of potential he'll be snatched up by another job before we know it. so we're taking advantage of this "obligatory family time."

one of my favorite quotes right now is from one of our prophets, joseph smith. he said "if i obtain the glory in which i have my eyes set, i expect to go through much tribulation." 

one of the hardest lessons from this season of learning is humility. a friend from nyc had a similar thing happen to her family, except they moved into a dope apartment, had a new baby, then her husband was laid-off and couldn't find a job for over a year. every time i saw her, i sensed the great humility it took to be okay with what was happening. it takes humility to admit that you've hit a bump in the road. especially when everyone else looks like they're "thirty, flirty and thriving." 

dang you 2018 social media filters. you got us.

you know what else is funny? literally the week all this job stuff happened, i had HAD IT UP TO HERE with my kids. they were literally being POOP HEADS (or just kids), and i had gone to bed crying a few nights in a row. i wonder if God was like "k, guys, you need a reality check. let's learn some humility." cause i realized that i cannot control aj's job, i can't control those eggs in my o's, and i can't control my kids' behaviors. (DESPITE MY EXTREME EFFORTS.)

so i might as well try and make our home a heaven on earth and show some more gosh-dang love.

and what do you know? as soon as i relaxed and started showing more love to my kids, they started showing more love to me. funny how that works.

so there you go. that's really where we're at. really #nofilter. really no job. really not pregnant. but really happy. really content. really hopeful.

p.s. quick story. this week i heard a mom call her kid "Quinoa." not joking. welcome to sf??

p.p.s. and i overheard this at a school drop-off one morning. kid runs up to teacher. "smell me!!!" 

she smells him. "oh, how nice! hermes??"

kid, "no, it's burberry." 

teacher, "i love it!"

come on kid. get your cologne from bath and body works like the rest of us.

p.p.p.s. one last thing. the guts of this lady! at the hardware store we were wandering, i was checking out, sam and remie (as usual) were trailing behind me. sam is distracted by the razor blade 'holder' (you know the thing that holds the razor blade??), picks it up. the lady looks at me, "um, do you know what your son is holding?"

"yes, a razor blade."

"that's why we usually tell parents to keep their kids with them at all times."

(i just smiled a dumb smile at that lady. cause she is definitely a dog person, not a kid person. kid people know that "keeping a child with them at all times" is like parting the ocean. can't happen unless you're moses. so sorry, i'm not moses.)